The Rath of LEIKAM!

Wowza did I have a wacky weekend that was chalk full of comedic textbook adventure. Just like a Ben Stiller flick; oddly frustrating yet surprisingly enjoyable. Anydoodles, let’s begin with the set up. This weekend I was invited to go to a Residence Life conference on Saturday at SUNY Purchase with my supervisor and two fellow Resident Assistants or RA’. Jen, our supervisor, and Dave and Christian. The trip is a 6.5 hour trek, so the four of packed up and left early Friday morning.

Our adventure begins with our ride down. Actually it was quite pleasurable, and it was even splashed with a little excitement of a viewing of the state border patrol full on frisking drivers at the pit stop (note: my school is near Canada). Other than that, our ride was simply just a ride down. Upon arrival we checked in at a dingy hotel called the La Quinta Inn which also oddly had a 4 star restaurant attached to it. The Mark Charles was its name, and rest assured I will get into the Mark Charles later.

Jen being our supervisor got her own room, and Dave, Christian, and I all got one to share. When entering our room…BAM…giant ass hairball on Dave’s bed. EFFING GROSS! After that tasty discovery, we decided we were too hungry to think about the piece of Danny Devito occupying our room, and so we went to Cheesecake Factory to relieve our empty bellies. That is where we met our server…LEIKAM!

Yes, that is his name folks. Or as we nicknamed him, Abraham LEIKMAN! Mister LEIKAM was the epitome of bad service. Like effing horrible from the get go. He was awkward, inappropriate, and a horrible listener all cast into a Gollum like appearance. I can only illustrate his weird ways via the situations we had to uncomfortably endure. First off he never made any eye contact with any of the men at the table, which left Jen with some truly awkward attention. He also called Jen “Hennifer” which was creeeeeeepy as heck. Next when ordering a bottle of wine, LEIKAM 1.) recommended the most expensive bottle, and 2.) rolled his eyes in the most obvious way when we decided to order against his recommendation. I mean, we are poor college students. When finishing our order I also asked for a soft beverage, and honest LEIKAM exasperated the loudest sigh I ever heard. Who knew Cheesecake Factory served judgment with there service? The tip of the iceberg was when desert time approached. We told LEIKAM we just wanted the check, to which he arrived 5 minutes later with desert menus, completely ignoring what we had clearly stated previously. Once we told him no for the second time, his response was. “Where are you eating…the Cheesecake Factory.” To which Jen quickly retorted with “I’m a Vegan, and Christian is lactose ill-tolerant,” and LEIKAM quickly chuckled a fake laugh of defeat, and just got our bill. Nice try LEIKAM! From now on the rest of my RA Adventure team, and I will forever curse his name out in frustration. Well done sir, you deserved that tip. LEIKAM! *shakes fist in air*

Next is ROIDS. ROIDS was the server/bartender at the Mark Charles restaurant attached to the La Quinta Inn. ROIDS also looked like your stereotypical gweedo, who also appeared to be on…well…steroids. As a fellow hospitalitytarian I started conversing with ROIDS about his place of work, the Mark Charles, but before I go into our conversation let’s begin with a quick digression about the Mark Charles. The Mark Charles was located in the middle of nowhere with only the hotel as its source of business. It had 8 wait staff to a 25-30 top restaurant (which is WAY too MUCH), and it also oddly had the BEST liquor inventory I have ever seen. The question I proposed to ROIDS was do you get good business at the Mark Charles? He responded sternly with “WE GET GREAT BUSINESS.” I then quickly shot back with…”Well it sure is an interesting location.” To which he aggressively retorted “OUR LOCATION SUCKS!” Not gonna lie I was a wee bit scared after he yelled that. Calm down ROID ROGERS , because potentially punching your customers in the face is not very hospitable. When it came down to the bill we all (Dave, Christian, and I) pulled out credit cards to pay. ROIDS again almost ROIDED out. “CREDIT CARDS! THIS IS GOING TO BE ANNOYING TO CLOSE OUT” He took our cards with an angry swipe, and the real kicker was he told us our meal was cheaper than he thought. Exactly 25 cents cheaper. Le sigh. After leaving we told ourselves we will never eat at the Mark Charles again. Just think of what can truly be in the food, because I’m not eating some ROIDED out sautéed chicken breast.

After a long night of craptastic service served with a capital C, we all retired for the night only to wake up at 6:30am for the RA conference. The RD2B or as I would like to put it the R2D2 conference went swimmingly. From 8am-5pm I got a whole days worth of information to gear me towards a potential career path in Residence Life, and even more importantly I got some tidbits on how to also professional apply for a job at Marvel Comics. HUZZAH! At the end of the conference we all kept joking about how we should pretend our car broke down so we can stay an extra day in the city. Well guess what…our car broke down.

This entailed waiting 2 hours for AAA only to arrive just as the car came back to life. The mechanic had no idea what was wrong, to which he suggested we do not drive home that night due on the unknown car ailment. Then I made a phone call to the lovely Ida Rosenberg, who went beyond her motherly powers and got us a most amazing hotel room, in a most amazing hotel. I’m talking about waitering to your hand and foot kinda service. They gave us a great deal, found us a mechanic the following morning, and every staff person acknowledged us with a smile and a greeting. Now that’s hospitality at its finest.

The following day was spent trying to find a mechanic and a rental car. We decided to go to the Avis car rental service. Ironically at Avis we so conveniently stumbled upon even more craptastic service served with a capital C! Jen wanted to rent a car for a week since she would already be coming down next weekend for the Thanksgiving break. The price was at $380 with insurance included, but the teller forgot to check Jen’s age in which she is under 25, and just like that the bill turned into $700. We immediately pulled out of that idea, but the Avis guy nonchalantly said it’s too late…he already printed the contract. Wha…wha…WHAAAAAA! After a minute of pure terror the Avis attendant said “kidding.” Phew. I don’t care you who are mister Avis man, but for all that is holy we did not need another LEIKAM on this trip. To be honest, maybe this whole trip was the wrath of Abe LEIKAM. I mean he was gypsy-ish?

In the end this trip was redonkulous. Not bad, not amazing, but without a doubt interesting. There was definitely a splash more of stuff that happened, but there is to much that I cannot share in this already too long blogpost. With that, I suggest if you ever happen to see me in person just mention the code word “LEIKAM” because then you are officially welcomed for story time. You bring the popcorn.